Hey, it's Friday!

(a little bit early!)
As I'm traveling to the great white north (don't anybody tell me what the high's supposed to be now) today, I'm stealing content that was thoughtfully forwarded to me via e-mail this week. Yours to enjoy...




A Letter to Pets
(to be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator – nose height)



Dear Darcy,


The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!!

To pacify you, my dear pet, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About My Pets:

1. They live here. You don't
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, they’re animals. To me, they’re kids who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.