Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving!



Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you're having turkey with all the trimmings today.

I believe my choices are ham or roast.

I don't have to make either so I can go with the flow even on national turkey day.


Erma Bombeck, No One Diets on Thanksgiving
What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?

Johnny Carson
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.

Anonymous
May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have nary a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

I Heart Gadgets


So I had read about Write or Die somewhere, probably in a writer's magazine that I read instead of writing. It happens. For some reason, I decided to hunt it up this weekend.

I'm all into competition, especially when it's me against a clock. I have no idea why.

I've so far only tested Normal Consequences and the Strict Grace Period. I'm a fan of kamikaze mode in most things, but here I think it means words disappear if you don't type in a certain period of time (determined by your grace period setting...what do you think evil means?) And I guess the sense of impending doom helped. Here's how I did:


This is pretty good. At this rate, I could write a book in a little over 24 hours. With two days, I could have an epic on my hands. The only problem is...that's all I had to say about that. If I were to do it again, I might come up with 4 words in 22 minutes. And these are full sentences and complete paragraphs. You can also disable your backspace so that you can only go forward. Wonder how many words of gibberish I could turn out in Evil, Kamikaze mode with no backspace? It would probably look like most of my blog posts.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

When I say "I don't cook"...


I mean I don't cook. I usually boil noodles and open a can. When I look at this refrigerator I think--
Maybe they just moved in.
Maybe it's really, really time to go to the grocery store.
Maybe these people have another refrigerator somewhere where they keep the real food.

This is my refrigerator, the only one I have. I don't have a freezer or another refrigerator storing all the good stuff. This is all that is in my house right now. And that's after I made a trip to the grocery store. Otherwise, there'd be no pizza either.

And the turkey started it all. On Friday, the management team at Leisure Arts handed out our Thanksgiving turkey. While this makes me sad that I am actually going to have to cook a turkey, it makes me very happy that I don't also have to buy a turkey.
But it had no home to go to. That freezer was filled with freezer-burned fish sticks and half eaten "lite" ice cream containers. (Why do I keep buying lite ice cream? It's a mystery.) Those had to go to make room for the turkey and then I went on a rampage through the entire refrigerator. Now I am left with a shelf of condiments, most nonalcoholic beverages (you got your basic milk, orange juice, water and plenty of Diet Coke) as well as a solid representation of the cheese family. To get here, I discarded three jars of pickles that expired 3 years ago. I think someone is sneaking in when I'm not around and using my refrigerator for pickle storage.

This situation makes me happy. As Christmas looms, I've actually done one thing I mean to do every year and never do. I've cleaned up my refrigerator. And there is a new surface to eat off of right now. Those shelves are clean. In fact the entire kitchen is clean. And I think I can keep it that way for a month or so...because there's no real food to cook anyway.

In fact, I'm thinking I just need to get a dorm-sized refrigerator to keep myself well hydrated. Then I could get rid of this completely and put it something really helpful like bookshelves.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Books again: Soul Music by Terry Pratchett and The Gates by John Connolly

So Barb left a comment that she made it to the movie and loved it. I thought about taking my angst out to a forest in the hopes that a wolf-y werewolf would show up. But I didn't. (It's from the book. If you didn't read the book, Edward leaves Bella and she decides to have a little rest in the forest. I would never do that. Forests are creepy in my opinon, vampires or no. I stay out. I believe that is why I have never met a werewolf.)

(Yes, I am a dork. I realized it keenly on Saturday in the Barnes and Noble, listening to the "artistic" types that work there talk about their favorite t.v. shows. I know them all. I watch them all. And clearly my reading material doesn't help.)

On that note, I finished two books this week.



I picked Soul Music out of a very large collection of Terry Pratchett books at my local library because they didn't have the one that has been suggested to me. The plot is this: Music With Rocks In It is discovered in Ankh-Morpork and the whole place goes wild, rebellious, out of control. There is dancing, funny clothes, and strange hair. Death has taken a leave of absence and his granddaughter Susan is forced to step in and take his place, aided by the Death of Rats and the flying horse Binky. Imp travels to the big city to make his way as a serious artist, but after a freak troll/harp accident he's forced to find a new instrument, a magical guitar that takes over his life. Literally.

Hillarity ensues. And just a little bit of soul searching about the importance of duty, the hope of changing the way things have always been, and maybe getting by with the help of your friends. It's heavy on inside jokes but since Pratchett always lets me inside, I really appreciate those.


And the second book, a young adult book placed in the regular old adult sections at the Barnes and Noble and the library, was The Gates by John Connolly. I picked it up because I enjoyed The Book of Lost Things so, so much. And I enjoyed this one too. But not quite as much. If you're curious at all about the Big Bang theory, black holes, worm holes, and the suspicious activities of CERN and the Large Hadron Collider, you should perhaps look this one over. My biggest problem is Chapter 1, where the world clearly has no creator and evil has existed since the beginning of time. Chapter 2 should be the beginning, hell is just an alternate dimension, and we leave the whole idea of faith out of it because it seems like there should be more discussion if you stick with the story as it is.

The plot is this: Samuel Johnson decides to go trick-or-treating a few days early and spies the opening of a portal to the gates of hell in one of his neighbor's basement. And then thanks to the Large Hadron Collider, all hell breaks loose. Literally. Demons arrive, planning nothing less than the end of the world. It's up to Samuel, his friends, and an unlikely ally in the form of Nurd, the Scourge of Five Deities to stop it. Luckily, the end of the world occurs on Halloween and nobody takes that demon stuff seriously on Halloween, you know?

What I like about this book is the narrative style. There is something old fashioned about that makes it perfect, the best way to get a story, a master storyteller is recounting it to you just as it happened. Connolly has plenty of inside jokes and relies on the use of footnotes which I have soundly criticized (in Oscar Wao), but those were...like, serious history and stuff. I never like serious, bloody history in my books. Connolly's footnotes may include some information, but they are also very, very amusing. I have no idea if they are true at all but that's OK with me. I won't quote it in dinner conversation, just to be on the safe side.

Friday, November 20, 2009

No New Moon tonight. But soon...


“You really, honestly don’t mind that I morph into a giant dog?” Jacob Black

I am certain of two things.
1. I won't be going to see the newest, hottest movie and so when people talk about it before I have seen it, I will feel angst. But that really goes along with the movie theme anyway.
2. I need to get a life. Sorry, I got nothing to post. Putting up a Twilight post is just about as easy as it gets, you know?

And I've never been able to determine which camp I fall into: Team Jacob or Team Edward.
Stinky giant dog  or no, at least Jacob is a wolf kind of werewolf. Maybe I'm on Team Jacob. But the Cullens have a great house and drive those fancy cars...it's a very difficult decision.

If you go see New Moon, be sure to torment me with the knowledge that you have done something that I have not. Just like Bella, I will angst.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Postless again naturally


I have 3 words for you: Potluck. For. Lunch.
And also: Toasty. Warm. Office.

Now I'm a little sleepy. I should get up and patrol, stomping my feet and clapping my hands. I'm just sure of it.
And I will...in...just...a...minute.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

They call it junk mail for a reason




I almost missed today, but then, after I managed to fight my way home after a day...a day, I found this treasure in my mailbox. SO many questions come to mind
1. What's a whonk?
2. Does it really rhyme with donk?
3. Does anybody ever really use whonk or badonkadonk in conversation?
4. Why would they do that?
5. Should they be allowed to do that?
6. Does this mail look like a good idea to you? (Paid to have it designed, printed and mailed...to me, after I'd already visited them to have my bumper fixed up.)
7. Does entrusting my car to this place say something about my judgement? Or State Farm's?

Maybe it should have said "Got a little junk in your trunk?"

It made me happy. And also, I will remember it...so maybe it's working!

UPDATE: And yes, I am very familiar with the song. It's on my iPod, but that doesn't mean I want to sing to myself continuously "ooh-wee, shut my mouth, slap your grandma" and that's what I've been doing since I saw this card. ("Honey you can't blame her for what her mama gave her..." I can do other parts too, but not in the right order.)