Do they make a patch for this?

I'm having all kinds of breakthroughs this week. I was just emailing a new friend this week and I realized part of the reason I'm still single. I was trying to be funny, and as it happens sometimes, I hit the nail on the head. Just like that...a breakthrough. I can't fix it, but I guess it's good to know. This post isn't about that.

And today in our staff meeting, I discovered my path to fame and fortune. Seriously. I was admitting to my current coping mechanism: Cheetos and/or Hostess apple pies, administered as needed (both currently available in our vending machines downstairs, right next to where they keep the Diet Coke, so it isn't my fault that I know that. I don't think so anyway.)

And then we were talking about taking smoke breaks, just to get out for a minute. I pondered taking it up, and one of my clever friends said maybe I could just skip to the patch. Leave out the "smoking" middle man. And I think that's a good idea. I think a Cheeto patch is better! Can you imagine how much money I could make by just replacing self-control? Self-control is impossible around Cheetos. Can't be done, I tell ya! I need to get started on this.

I wish I had paid more attention in science class.