Monday, November 16, 2009

If you can't say something nice...

I have a terrible time coming up with a comeback at the rude people that seem to swirl around me sometimes. Even when I manage, I feel guilty about hurting another person's feelings. I still break out in a cold sweat over something I said to my brother when I was about 10. In a lifetime of insults (not really), I had one good answer and I feel bad about it decades later.

After what nearly turned into a "Fried Green Tomatoes" incident at my neighborhood WalMarts on Saturday (remember? Kathy Bates rams a car that steals her parking space because she's older and has better insurance...that one), I congratulated myself for not passing the rude along. It was a struggle but I managed. Besides, I had just gotten a brand new bumper anyway.

So on Sunday, my innocent dog who does not smell like anything more or less than a clean dog and I were walking at Mills Park, our normal walking track. Hearing shuffles behind me, I pulled Darcy over to the side of the path to let the power walker pass us. And get this...
As she passes, she pats happy Darcy on the head and says, "Well, hello, stinky. I could smell you from all the way back there." You might as well have hit me with a big stick right between the eyes. Then she turns back to say, "My dog needs a bath too."

I didn't have an answer. Darcy looked at me and I looked at her. Then I turned back to stare at the "other" while I mumbled under my breath. I won't tell you what I muttered. It wasn't ladylike. And I said it every time I caught sight of her on the trail. And I mutter it even today when I think about her. Yell and curse at me over my unwillingness to run over old people in the parking lot if you want to, but don't insult my dog. Not cool.

I wish I'd had a better answer. I explained to Darcy that I found this "other" female to be unintelligent and mean and it wasn't true anyway.

I'm bringing Darcy to work tomorrow just to prove that she smells like a rose/clean dog.
OK, probably I'm not bringing her to work, but I am accepting all clever comebacks which I will then memorize in case I should ever be caught in a similar position. I can't bring myself to curse at someone. About them, yes if I am provoked, but not at them.


Robyn *Ü* said...

How about "She just had a bath, it must be your upper lip"

BrendaB said...

sniff, sniff, yeah, we could smell you coming too!

Be sure Darcy Dog understands that all of her "aunts" would have been quick to defend her, and would not have cared whether the other "b....h's" feelings were hurt or not!!

SusanJ said...

There's always the ever-popular "your upper lip" retort.
Or how about "Darcy doesn't wear deodorant, what's your excuse?"
And finally, since she had the audacity to pet Darcy while insulting her, "I'm sorry, it's that awful skin disease that Darcy and I have been passing back and forth. We can't seem to get it cleared up."