I think I'll never travel again. OK?

I am not at work today. I am off today and frantically preparing for a whirlwind trip to Orlando. Here's the list of things I am doing while I am not at work today.
1. I am worrying about work and not being there and things I should have done but didn't.
2. I am trying to cram an odd assortment of clothes including shorts, an ill-advised swimsuit, and some semi-business-y stuff and shoes to go with in the smallest bag I can manage. Oh, and accessories. And makeup. And sunscreen. And hairspray. And not putting in something critically important.
3. I am looking longingly at my dog while trying to pretend that nothing is out of the ordinary. I want to hug and squeeze and call her "George" but she'll have none of that and manages to look both sorrowful and accusing at the same time.
4. I am running through the list of things I must have, mainly travel info and tickets and workshop printouts which I only really need because I don't want that particular tree to have died in vain. I'm doing that a lot and wishing I had decided to stay fewer days. Or more. But mostly fewer.
5. I am cleaning my house. I started last weekend so I'm really only reapairing the damage I can do in a week. The Diet Coke can collection is impressive.
6. I will go to Wal-Mart to pick up what I forgot. I will forget to go to the bank. And then I will have to drive back to civilization from the ends of the earth to get it. That's OK: I need to eat many times today and cook none of them because I've already cleaned the kitchen and I have no desire to do that again. Ever.
7. I am asking myself why I am doing all this again. My self doesn't really have a good answer. I think about so many cool workshops that I've killed a tree for, the opportunity to have the wand choose the wizard, and I think it will become clearer.
8. Did I mention worrying about work? If I didn't, put it on the list. If I did, put it on the list again.
9. I am running through my schedule obsessively and plotting how to get to the airport a full three hours early just to keep my cool. My cool heads for the hills as soon as anyone mentions an overnight stay away from home. Security lines don't help.
10. I am reading tweets from people talking about how hot it is in Orlando. I am comparing that to the temperature in Little Rock and laughing hysterically. Of course, I'm doing everything hysterically right now (not really, not yet) so it's hard to say whether it's appropriate. Still, I feel I have a slight advantage over the delicate flowers from other parts of the country where your shoes don't melt to the asphalt as a matter of daily life. I don't enjoy it but I'm hoping that being 8 degrees cooler will feel like a breath of spring. And if not, the hotel AC will pump.

I think it's fair to say that I'm the world's worst traveler. I'm OK with that. I'm never doing it again. I like it right here just fine, melty shoes, borderline heatstroke, and all.