Tuesday, February 22, 2011

More randomness

I had planned to show you my scorching progress on a new cross stitch project. As I have not yet started it, that won't work.

I did write almost 10,000 words this weekend on something brand new because in this as in every other project in my life, I like new beginnings and will discard a faltering project at my first chance. It's okay.

I did finish up Week One of Couch25K. Because it still felt like my lung was trying to come out through my side around Run 7, I think I'm going to go remedial on this and repeat Week One. That's okay too.

And I got some feedback from a contest...anonymous readers leaving anonymous comments. Since I have a grim fascination with the horrible comments people leave on internet news stories, I really expected for my hair to be on fire after it was all over. It's actually a mixed bag, although "tediously long set up" burns a bit. I think that's okay too.

Remember the purple paint story? It was the first contest I won and I changed the name to enter but I liked the sound of Mary so I changed it back. And since I'll be sued now for all of the future royalties because I used the same name, I'll just go ahead and say...the real-life Mary doesn't have the problems fictional Mary does. Except for the purple paint, of which there are no longer any remains except the very vivid memory in my head and this story. Of course, I posted every bit of the story I had written because it was under the limits for this contest...so reading more of this and finding anything more pivotal is going to be tough. Still, some people wanted more...maybe I should try to figure out if there's more. I'm pretty sure "total karmic klutz" is the kind of fiction I write, so it's good to know someone else might be interested in reading it.

Oh, yeah, and if they'd all been flaming insults, they wouldn't be showing up on this blog. I'll tell you more than you really need to know about me, but I still get to pick and choose.

Here's a sample of my feedback:

Very cute premise, and the opening w/the paint spilling everywhere is catchy. I think you need to work to get further inside your character's head. That you keep calling her "Mary" is a cue that your third-person is a little too distant. The reader wants to feel very close and intimate with the heroine, but here we're seeing more of what someone else thinks about her than what she thinks about herself. Try recasting some of your sentences.
I love this concept. A total karmic klutz. It's not only funny, but makes Mary very "real."

A couple of very small things that pulled me out of the story: Jimmy Sue's name. I couldn't figure out if it was a girl with a boy's first name or a boy with a girl's middle name. I'm not from the South, so this might be a common name for a girl, but it confused me enough to have me rereading those sentences a few times to try and figure it out. I would change it to something obviously female-gendered.

Also, there were 2 times that I noticed you used first-person (as in "me" or "my"). And the spot where you address the reader (What would you do?) is typically a no-no in fiction. You can change it with a simple "What does one do?"

Great concept, would've liked to have read more. Good luck!
This excerpt made me curious as to what happened next.
Good premise but tediously long set up. Also not sure about the pov. Hard to get into. Could be a lot of fun if rewritten.
I found your unfortunate heroine very appealing. I just wanted to put my arms around her, pat her back, and tell her everything would be alright.
Urm, is this all of your entry? Should there not be a pivotal scene? confused.com here, easily done admittedly ;-) I liked the touches of humour, but she is a bit too disastrous for my liking.

1 comment:

Mundane Jane said...

There are no no-no's.