Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Necessity, invention...I forget how they are related

In the ongoing series of "Severe weather alerts" which has become a way of life around here, I believe I have finally determined the proper tornado shelter. Last night when I got home, I did spend some time reviewing closet-floor-to-the-size-of-my-hips ratio and do believe my bedroom closet is the best choice. I removed the carpet steamer, so I have space to stretch my legs (even if I am wedged in and any movement side to side is an impossibility). Unfortunately, I am old. And apparently I am getting more decrepit daily because I can't sit for long periods of time in the floor. My back and left leg are still mad at me today for what I did last night.

But I think I have the solution: couch cushions. I'm going to take them off and put them in the closet. They are already molded to fit so they should be perfect. And yes, another round of sirens will go off and it looks more like my direction this time. I'm thinking of locking myself in and not leaving until morning. The closet is so nice and quiet. I don't see any ugly flashes of light, hear sirens or pings of hail on the windows. It's just me, every pair of shoes I own, entirely too many clothes that no longer fit, luggage, old books, new books, and the five sets of clothes I wear to work every week. Blessed silence. Throw in some Diet Coke, maybe a soothing bag of Cheetos...I might never leave.

On a related note, I have also discovered a foolproof alarm clock. After battling to sleep all night Friday, I had worked up an appetite Saturday morning. The only problem was that I knew my refrigerator was filled with half-empty jugs of expired milk, a good collection of cheeses, Diet Coke and mustard. Hoping I was wrong, I staggered in and yanked open the refrigerator door. I have a Brita water pitcher in that door. It fell. And nicely chilled water splashed down my bare legs. And then I had to slip and slide and lurch back to dry ground. So at 7 a.m., I was wide, wide, wide awake (and covered in goosebumps). This method needs a little refinement so to all the engineers out there...take this idea and run with it but don't send me one. I 'm not sure my system can stand the shock twice.

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